| *~*LaSt DaY oF sUmMeR*~* |
[03 Sep 2003|11:02pm] |
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i got my senior pictures taken today by staceys uncle. it was a lot of fun. im excited to see how they turn out. besides that, i didnt do much today except go for a walk with jaclyn to hillwood to go on the swings. but we had to leave when hershey, my beagle, scared this little girl by trying to play with her. yesterday jac, dominique, danny and i went rollerblading around greenlake. that was awesome.
today i was really missing mike. i just had this urge to call him all day long. but he wasnt home when i tried, and never called me back. then, jaclyn and i went to go see the matrix reloaded at the crest ($3 movies yo!) and i was thinking of how excited i was gonna be to tell mike tomorrow that i finally saw it. we were supposed to rent the first one and then go see the second together...but then we broke up so that didnt happen and he went to see it without me. but anyways, as jaclyn and i were walking towards my car, i saw this 4runner next to it that looked like yaz's gfs. i was like, no it couldnt be her, but it was! she was there to pick up yaz, mike and some other peeps from a movie! how weird is that. i didnt actually get to see him though cuz they had walked down the street and were being gay and wouldnt walk back to the car. i felt like me and mike were just on the same wavelength. i tried calling yaz's cell phone but he didnt answer and i didnt want to call mikes house again. i miss him a lot. i miss the part of him that i love so much. i want to take a bath with him and cuddle in each others arms till we fall asleep. i wanna make him tomato soup. i wanna hear his laugh and see him smile. i wanna feel the comfort and security that i felt in his presence. i cant call him and tell him that because then i would be leading him on. but how am i supposed to let him fade out of my life. i still love him with all my heart. i used to see him everyday, sleep by his side every night, hear his voice everyday. its hard to have all that just gone completely. part of me wonders whether i did the right thing. i want that part of my life back, but i also dont want all of the attatchments. and i remember all the pain that i dont want to feel anymore. love is such a crazy thing. i would give my life for mikes happiness. i would do anything for him. but our relationship was so bad in the end and i dont see any changes in his lifestyles or behaviors. i thought of what its gonna be like if mike gets another girlfriend. whats she gonna look like? will he love her more than he loved me? i know he wont always be there for me to run back to when i decide i want to be with him again. i love him so much..and its so hard to know what the right thing to do is.
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| convo with jake |
[02 Jul 2003|08:04pm] |
i went on IM today for the first time in a long time. and i see that jake is online. i was kinda scared, but i imed him. im really glad i did though. it was a good conversation. i hate letting go of people in my past. its really hard for me. i'd like to be able to feel like i can go up and talk to him at school. he used to be someone really special to me. just becuz we both are in new relationships now doesnt mean we cant still be friends, right? i know he was a jerk to me, but of course i forgive him now. that was almost three years ago. and i usually dont hold grudges. besides that...he said this to me while we were talking and i thought it was so sweet:
Jakeh886: its really nice talkin to you
Jakeh886: been a while
RoSyRoO2: yeah i know. you too
Jakeh886: i would like to take this opportunity to apologize for how i acted the whole time in the past, i was awful
Jakeh886: im sorry
Jakeh886: once again ;P
RoSyRoO2: thank you jake. that is really sweet of you. i appreciate it
RoSyRoO2: very much
Jakeh886: yeah, i look back and think wow, i was a jerk
Jakeh886: =/
hes not a bad person. and i respect him a lot for apologizing to me. a lot of guys wouldnt.
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[31 Mar 2003|10:37pm] |
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im feeling alot of bad feelings right now all jumbled together. i'm scared cuz final cuts are on wednesday, im frustrated cuz i know i can do better. im stressed about school and my stupid speech. im mad cuz my mom let her irresponsible friend take MY car and now hes in jail and my car is impounded. now i cant drive anywhere for a couple days. and im furious at mike because he has not been being the best boyfriend. i dont remember exactly why, but he broke plans wtih me for something,(i think it was that he had to go home for blah blah blah reason and couldnt hang out with me anymore) so he promised to spend the entire weekend with me. so friday night, i come over as planned to pick him up, but he tells me that he just feels like staying at home and cleaning by himself. he has been "cleaning" every single day for the past month and has barely got jack shit done. i was upset, but didnt make a big deal out of it. so then saturday, he has to do all this shit and doesnt end up hanging out with me until like 9:30. i was planning on hanging out with my other friends, but they decided to leave and not call me until they were already on their way somewhere else. so me and mike didnt really do anything but sleep. in the morning i was excited because i had bought vegetarian bacon and i wanted to have breakfast together. but right before we could cook anything, evan calls and wants mike to go to OCB(old country buffet) with him. so i tell him that its useless for me to make breakfast for him when hes just gonna go out and eat somewhere else. he asks if its okay with me, and i said, "do whatever you want." i didnt want to be mean and tell him not to go with evan, and i thought he would get my hints that i would be sad if he went. but guys are pretty dumb. so he called evan and told him to come get him. then he disappeared for the rest of the day, when he told me he would come back in a little while. he had to do all this other stupid shit that always seems so important to him, and didnt end up coming back to my house until really late. by that time, i was busy doing homework and very tired. besides that, he said he had to leave anyways just about the second he walked in. so i told him i was gonna go to bed. he knew that i was really pissed off at him. then, he didnt actually leave, which made me even more mad. its like he doesnt have the time to spend with me, but he has all the time in the world when nick, or nate or yaz or someone is there. i told him that too...and again he made his stupid promises of how we would hang out the next day. so today i come over to his house, and he has some friends over there. they are all drunk, so i dont even want to deal with him. i simply asked him what he was going to do-if he was going to go with me, or stay at his house. then he started to ignore me and not talk to me at all. so i got even more mad and told him i was leaving, and slammed the door shut behind me. i wasnt trying to be a bitch, but i just get so mad at him because he always does this to me. he always breaks plans repeatedly. he doesnt know how much it hurts me, and no matter how many times he says hes sorry, he always does it again, so obviously his apologies arent sincere. god i hate boys sometimes!!!!!!!
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| depressing day |
[18 Mar 2003|03:07pm] |
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today was not a good day. since thursday, i have been spiraling back down into depression. its hard for me to go to school. everywhere around me i hear people talking about it and i just want to get up, leave and go cry. if i think its bad now, wait till after tomorrow. i dont think people understand what it meant to me. i kind of feel stupid for getting so upset about it. but it really did mean a lot...more than anything else has. everything that i have tried for at this school, i have never achieved. so many times i have failed, but never once have i suceeded. it makes me feel bad about myself as a person. what am i good at? i remember people laughing in my face because i didnt win. this school has been so cruel to me. sometimes i love it and i have enough confidence to not care what everyone else thinks of me. but most of the time i feel like i do right now; lonely, sad, insecure, misunderstood and unheard. i dont think i have ever been flat out mean to anyone for no reason...so why am i disliked by so many? im not known, but misjudged by most. im jealous of other people who do have happiness. when do things get to start being good for me? im angry cuz i wish some people would show some compassion. i wouldnt act this way if the roles were reversed. i like my friends, but i wish i had closer relationships with them, so they could be there for me and so i could feel accepted/wanted. i dont think i have a bad life...but i have been through a lot of harsh things that people wouldnt expect. i have had a lot of disappointments...and not a lot to look forward to. it makes it hard to be happy sometimes.
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| the end of the weekend-the beginning of yet another week |
[09 Feb 2003|05:05pm] |
sunday is always a depressing day. it is a day that you stay home and do your homework. somehow, all your exhaustion seems to catch up to you on this day and you become fatally tired...all...day...long. then comes another week, which ends with another groggy sunday. it is the pattern of life.
nick finally convinced me to go 4-wheeling. i thought that i might as well try, right? i mean, if i didnt like it, then i wouldnt have to go back. they assured me that i would have fun though. maybe its just a guy thing, because i dont enjoy freezing my butt off all night long up in the mountains on a february night, or sleeping in the back of a truck with a tarp over you and no pillows. its not fun to have to pee in the bushes, especially in the "situtation" i was in. we didnt even go 4-wheeling, so whats the fricken point? nobody goes camping in the winter anyways! it was the worst trip that i have ever been on and i will not be going again. the only thing that made it remotely barable was that i had mike there. being in his precense is always worth while.
last night was not that great either. we were supposed to go to a party, but somebody doesnt know how to drive. this person likes to flip bitches without informing the person who is following them, slam on their breaks at unexpected moments, and turn on their hazard lights in the middle of the road. we got sick of it and left. then these two guys came over, who i didnt know, and my friends were being flirtatious with them. i was tired, and feeling uncomfortable, so i went home and went to bed.
on a better note, i got to work out today! yeah! and life seems to be going pretty good. im liking school better. im feeling better about myself and my friends. mike and i are getting along, for the most part. and the best part of all is that my mom bought herself a 98 red jetta!! now i get my own car...FINALLY! even though the camry is a p.o.s. loser mobile that is hella loud and breaks down all the time...its a car and im happy. besides, my mom said that eventually we will sell it and buy me a better car...i have to work on my dad though to see if he will be nice and pitch in a little money too. thats not gonna be too much fun to do.
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[26 Jan 2003|09:53pm] |
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Even though my room is on the opposite side of the house, I still listened for the sound of gravel being indented by the truck tires. When you love someone, you keep telling yourself that the next time will be different from the last. You always get your hopes up that they are gonna prove you wrong. When I saw his name on the caller ID, my stomach filled with butterflies of excitement. But when I answered the phone all I got was the disappointment of his dad’s voice. It had only been two and a half hours since I had gotten home, but it seemed like about six. Time always seems to drag on longer when you are alone. My eyelids stung with sleepiness, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t go to sleep. This house is so quiet when it’s empty. Small noises echo down the halls. It drives me crazy. I can’t be by myself for this long. By the time he missed his deadline to call by three hours, I knew he had gotten too drunk to remember or even to care. He never seems to give a damn about me. All he ever does is get mad and yell at me. I can’t even get mad at him for the shit he does, cuz he always has to turn it around so that I’m the one who’s at fault. I don’t think he even knows what it’s like to love me anymore. You don’t act like that to someone who you love, do you? I told him that he didnt love me and that made him even more upset. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of people. I'm sick of drama. I just wanted to have a fun day today, but from the time that I got up, I was getting shit for what my friend had done, for my mom being nosey and for not wanting to drive to unfamiliar places by myself. And look what happened when I did. I followed the directions perfectly, and ended up getting lost driving around for an hour looking for a stupid hotel that I didn't even know the name of. Then when I called to say that I got lost, I got yelled at some more for making everyone late to the superbowl party. I'm sorry. I'm trying to do my best. But everytime I try to stand up for myself I get shut down. I'm the one who always gets hurt. I'm the one who gets taken advantage of. I'm the one who gets blamed.
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| an eventful night |
[18 Jan 2003|09:39pm] |
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a bunch of people ended up coming over last night, as they usually do. lloyd was supposed to take us all out in a limo because he got his settlement check from his car accident, but that didnt happen. he didnt even call or show up. shannon and angelina went for a walk for like 2 hours. then they called and said that they were at shorewood and the cops had picked them up. everyone was freaking out about who was going to go get them cuz they were either drunk, didnt have their license, or had reasons that they did not want to be around cops. we found out when we came to get them that they made the whole thing up because they didnt want to walk back to my house! mike was being a butthead the entire night. for some reason he finds it to be very fun to piss me off. he pisses me off anyways when hes drunk, so he was extremely pissing me off last night. he was trying biting my toe(he has a thing with bitting people) and i was pulling his hair, then we just kinda snapped on each other. i was kicking him and he was grabbing me. he threw me off the bed. we've never gotten in a fight like that before. it made me really upset. but the highlight of the whole night was when my house almost burnt down! i was making mike french fries (before we got into the fight and he was still being nice). when i cook them, i heat up a pot of oil and usually i reuse the oil cuz i make them so much. me and mike were talking and i wasnt really paying attention so the pot had been sitting on the hot burner for a long time. all of the sudden flames popped up out of the pot. i started screaming. and was like what do we do?! nick and lindsey were in my room watching a movie and they came out. nick, not knowing any better, poured some beer on it. the flames exploded, burning my ceiling. now it was about 3 times as big. mike was so brave. he carried it outside onto my pourch and threw it off onto the tennis court below. he saved the day. he burned his arms, not too bad though, thankfully. god, if it wasnt for him, i think my whole house would have been gone. the smoke detector was going off like crazy, i was screaming cuz i hate fire. omg it was so scary. the fire was really big. you could see the flames from outside my house. we are really lucky that nothing got destroyed. the whole oven range was black, and the ceiling is black too. but besides that it is fine. my lesson that i learned was never to reuse oil, and never ever put beer or water on an oil fire.
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[15 Jan 2003|09:28pm] |
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i read other people's journals, and from what i know about their lives, they all have things that they do. drill, tutoring, jobs. i dont have "things." why dont i? im always too scared to try new things in fear of failure. thats why i wont do any sports. but i could be a tutor. im smart. but i wouldnt want to waste my time on that. whats wrong with me? people talk about, "oh im going to the basketball game," or "im going to the swim meet which should be fun." i dont like going to those types of things. i never really have. the only school sport i can remember actually enjoying was wrestling at einstein. and i loved going to open gym too. those were the days. and open library. omg. i would go with a group of people and we would just have a blast. so many good memories. i used to be hella popular and hella social back at einstein. i was even up until this year. now im just poopy. people get on my nerves for the stupidest little things. they just annoy me. i dont like to put effort into anything. i dont try to be nice to people anymore. i dont try to look pretty. i dont even try to do my homework. ahhh! rosalie is going down the drain.
i was tanning yesterday and listening to sheryl crow. i imagined it was summer again. it felt so great. summer is always the best. i remembered how i felt so free. it was amazing. then today i was listening to sugar ray and i thought of two summers ago. nick wight, scottie, curly and cameron. lol. that was a good summer too. but it didnt compare to last year. i remember how sophomore year in biology stacey, jessica and i would always talk about them. our "mill creek & mukilteo guys." the whole class knew about them. then i thought of how everybody from both of those summers is gone now. it made me sad. what if i dont find people like them again? no more older highschool boys. those are my favorite kind. i thought of when i was a freshman and this year's seniors were only sophomores. it doesnt seem that long ago. now they are almost graduated. and im next! high school does go by so quick. am i really gonna miss it like everyone says? i hate it so much, but in some ways, i really think i will.
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[07 Jan 2003|10:43pm] |
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the worst feeling is the feeling of being alone. i always feel alone at that school. im not used to walking around with no companion at my side or not waiting for friends at the locker after class. i dont even look forward to break or lunch anymore. i feel like such a loner. i get an empty feeling inside and all i want to do is run off and cry. where did all my friends go? i know that i have friends. but they arent the type of friends who you talk to everyday, tell your feelings/secrets to, or even hang out with much outside of school. i have never felt this alone before. i have never not had a best friend. i have always had multiple best friends. did i do something wrong? i get insecure. if my friends left me, why would my acquaintances want to take me in? who should i turn to? im not brave enough to ask them to hang out with me. even though its so stupid and simple...i cant do it. i dont have the confidence. how do you tell someone that you need their friendship when you arent very close with that person? i wrote nikki an email saying how much i missed her. i said that i didnt know why we drifted apart, but i really wish we could fix things. she read it, but didnt write back. everytime i talk to jaclyn i get this stabbing pain. i want her to come back so bad. the only friend i've got left is drifting now too. it wouldnt matter if ashlee, brooke and lindsay wanted me as a friend...i still wouldnt feel like i was apart of them. they are all great people. they are so sweet. but i dont think i belong with them. i feel like im the extra baggage that came along with the real package. maybe im just being cynical and pessimistic. i make sure to always be around people outside of school. i fall apart when no one's around. right now there are 3 people over at my house. but none of the people go to shorewood. and although they are all great...they are mostly all boys. i need my girls. where are they at?
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[01 Jan 2003|03:09pm] |
How BLACK are you?
Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.
i was very disappointed about new years. i would have liked to have a good day, especially because my christmas was ruined. but no, new years had to get ruined too. everyone is on my fucking back about everything. its like they want things their way or else they arent happy. well im sorry. its my life, my choices, my decisions. im not gonna break up with my boyfriend just cuz some people think i should. i am happy with him. no relationship is perfect. and yeah, lately we havent been doing too good. but you have to work through those things or else you would never be able to have any kind of relationship in your life. everyone fights. everyone is an asshole at times. i talked to him, we worked it out. no one knows what our relationship is really like except for me and him, but everyone else thinks they do. im sick of people getting mad at me for stupid shit. im sick of being told what i should do. and im sick of hearing my mom tell every person shes talking to on the phone every detail about my life. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! im so pissed at everything. i know its not good to be mad, but i cant help it. i dont like the way things are with them.
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| depressed in december |
[21 Dec 2002|04:11pm] |
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reading my past journal entries make me sad. i was such a different person then. yeah, it was over a year ago...but it doesnt seem that long ago at all. i have grown up so much. or maybe its not that i've matured, but that i have no personality anymore. thats how i feel. i dont want to call anyone...i dont want to exist because i dont have any self confidence. i want to be somebody...everybody else's personalities seem to shine. i have always felt that i was boring. im shy, im depressed, im quiet. its getting worse and worse with time. i remember when i was in 8th grade, i was at laura's house...and nick tremain said to me, "rosalie, what happened to you? you dont act like yourself anymore." that hurt me so bad because i knew it was true. i knew that i couldnt stuff the sadness down inside of me to hide it from others anymore. in my old entries, i talk about how depressed i was. that feeling of depression is nothing compared to what i feel now. im scared. what if in another year, i look back on this entry and think, "wow, and i thought i was depressed then..." how can i deal with it if it gets worse. i dont even want to leave my house now. i barely go to school. crying is a daily activity. i cry over everything. i even cry over nothing. i cry, sleep, and take baths or showers. thats my day. this feeling is awful. it tourments me. this sickness is awful. medication doesnt help. talking about it doesnt help either. i have to figure out the cure myself. i dont want to live with it forever.
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[18 Nov 2002|12:29am] |
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why am i tired all day long...then after 11 i turn into an insomniac? rrrrr! this is frustrating.
i dont think that i like the tom lykas(or however you spell his damn name) show very much. i never have listened to it...but mike has been. and i dont like the affect it has. hes starting to act like just another insensitive asshole. if our relationship starts to fall apart because of mikes behavior....im gonna call up that show and bitch the guy out. swear to god. if he takes away the rare sweetness that makes me love mike so much...im gonna die. i need mike right now...more than ever. i told him that i needed to see him tomorrow since i havent hung out with him since thursday and he said "he would try." he really assured me therfe that hes gonna put a lot of effort into it. hmmmm...might it be a sign to him that every single time he talks to me im upset? and i've been crying every single day? nope! he brushes me off to go do "more important things" like beat the tiger woods golf game on his playstation. hello!!! what more do i need to do to get these people to realize that something is wrong?!? i cant come right out and ask for help cuz thats not my personality. but they sure arent getting my clues.
i find myself really missing everyone from last year. i want my seniors back! its just not the same without them here. i dont think i'll ever be able to top last year. i dont want to let go of my memories. i want to continue living them...instead of re-playing them over again in my head. i want to call them...but im also scared to. im not a very outgoing person. so many of my friends have gone out of my life. i feel so alone...
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[12 Aug 2002|01:01am] |
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right now i am in mosses lake. i took my moms car (i told her i was going to jaclyns sisters house), took nikki and stacey with me and went to go visit joel at a baseball camp. but actually, the reason why i am writing is because i just feel like shit. thats what happens when you try to get drunk when you are in a bad mood. i hate feeling like this and it is the most confusing thing in the world to explain or try to put into words. i have this feeling inside of me all the time...this heavy weight...no matter what i do....no matter how much fun i am having....i can turn around in a second and want to bust out crying. what do i do? for some reason i have really been missing mike.
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| chaos |
[10 May 2002|09:46am] |
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i dont know whats wrong with me. i have been getting lots of extra sleep lately....on sunday i slept until 5 at night...on tuesday i slept from 6 at night till 6 in the morning...and i have been going to bed early every night, around 10:30 instead of the usual 12 or 1. but yesterday and today i slept through my alarm. yesterday, for the life of me, i could not get myself to go to school. i was just going to skip 2nd period...but my body would not move to get ready. and today, i figure i wont get ready until like 11 and i might as well just skip 4th through 6th cuz those are all boring classes. this wouldnt be a problem except that im at 8 absences in all of my classes. i know im gonna get truency....but im not gonna fail my classes. my counselor already told me that i can make up time after school to make up for the time i missed in class. it still makes me sad though...i used to be a 4.0 student...i have never missed this much school in my life. i feel like my school career is falling down before my eyes and im too weak to build it back up again. i dont have the motivation or the emotional strength. this is probably the hardest time i have ever gone through in my life. i distance myself from everyone...i dont mean to do it....its just that i feel like being by myself more than anything. i had the best day yesterday and all i did was sit at home and work on my scrapbook. i havent been spending time with mike and i know that hurts him so much. i can see it. i can hear it in his voice. and that kills me inside. he wont talk to me about it though. i tried to explain to him that the reason why i have been acting differently isnt because my feelings have changed, its just because im going through a lot right now and i dont know how to deal with it. i miss being close with my mom. atleast all those times before i had her to talk to about everything. and im so lazy. my room has been a mess for months but i cant pick it up. my mind cant focus on one thing. all these feelings and thoughts are running around in my head and i dont know how to express them!
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[08 May 2002|11:41am] |
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divorce is awful. last night, i woke up to my parents screaming at each other, which isnt an unusual thing. they were slamming doors and it was bad. my dad just aggrivates my mom more. she gets so mad at him because he sits and talks to my brother and cons him into believing that my mom is a bad parent. i tried listening in to what he was saying to him, but i couldnt hear all of it. i heard him tell my brother that his doctor and everyone else is worried about him being with my mom and that my mom is crazy. i hate him. the sound of his voice disgusts me. i want to puke in his face. i got in a huge fight with him yesterday because hes supposed to give me my cell phone back tomorrow, but hes not going to because he wants to keep it for himself. but hes using the stupid excuse that since i cant pay him the $80 overdue bill in one day, that he gets to keep it forever. hes such a selfish, self-centered bastard. i hate how he puts words in my mouth. i hate how he always lectures me. i hate how everything that i do for him is never good enough. and i absolutely HATE living with him!! my mom went to her attourney yesterday, so hopefully they will make him move out
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[03 Apr 2002|04:05pm] |
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rrrrr! this is frustrating. my own boyfriend ditching me? i never thought he would do that. hes not answering his cell phone and he was supposed to be here an hour ago to pick me up. this isnt like him. maybe its evans doing. all evans are evil. if he needs to cancel our plans, then he should just call me and tell me. he better have a good excuse for this.....
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[31 Mar 2002|10:24am] |
i hate living here with my dad. he had a talk with me the other day about what i need to do to earn his respect and gave me a list of rules that i need to follow. i told him that im not gonna do that. i told him that the more he pushes to try to restrict me, the more im gonna rebel. i have good excuses for everything "rebellious" that i do. thursday night...i went out with mike and his friend evan....when i came back home, the whole house was locked up...my brother had taken the key inside...my mom wasnt home...and when i tried calling, the line was busy...so i had no other choice but to go stay at evans house. mikes dad wouldnt let me stay at his house...and what was i supposed to do?? stay outside all night long until my mom got home? then evans alarm didnt go off so nobody in the house got up to do the things they had to do. veronica and i missed school...mike missed work...and evan missed some thing he had to go to at 5 in the morning. but it was all good. we stayed at evans all day long and i watched talk shows. i met all of mikes old friends. then friday night...i met everyone up at the church by 7-11 and we took rachel's car downtown. i left my car in the parking lot for 2 hours-from 1 to 3...when i came back someone had slashed my front right tire and my back left. so it was on total opposite sides of the car. i was hella pissed..and worried that whoever did it was gonna come back and do more. so obviously i couldnt get home since my tires were slashed. now my dad is all pissed cuz it costed $142 for new tires. he says im irresponsible. it could have happened to anyone. my dad got his car broken into twice...so does that mean that hes irresponsible too? he expects me to work off that money...and i have to work for my blink tickets and work to go to seaside with laura and work everytime i come home to earn an allowence that he doesnt even give me. hes such a cheap bastard. i cant wait till summer when i can just leave anytime and not come home. it sucks hella having my dad here. he stresses me out and makes life not fun. im not allowed to have anyone over and they dont want to come over anyways cuz my dad is such an asshole that everyone either is scared of him or hates him.
i have been acting hella weird lately...all sad and ish. i get really touchy with people. i will blow up for no reason. i feel hella bad about it too. sometimes i dont want mike to touch me at all...if its cuddling its ok, but when he tries to tickle me or be playful i want him to stop. then last night...we were going to go to a party or go hang out with some people, but i was not in the mood at all. all i wanted to do was sleep. i was acting hella weird last night. i fell asleep at 10 and didnt get up till 2 when mikes friends all showed up at his window. mike pretended to be asleep while they talked to me. mikes all pissed off cuz his friends keep hitting on me and i dont blame him. i would be too if i were him. they say to mike, how did you get a girl like that. and shit, which is hella rude. and then this one guy dante...hes said to me, why dont you come home with me? mike heard every word they said. we arent allowed to hang out with them when im there for a while...until they stop saying shit. i dont like that idea cuz they are hella cool guys and i dont want to be restricted from hanging out with people because of the comments they say about my looks, but i understand from mikes point of view too. i think he just needs to say something to them and then they will shut up. they are just giving him a hard time. the first night they did it, it kinda made me feel good cuz they werent open about it...they would just say little things to each other but i knew they were talking about me. but last night...they made me feel uncomfortable. i dont think its cool at all for friends to do that to their homie's girl. i told them that too.
well i gotta go now cuz im going out to brunch with mikes family for easter. talk to you soon.
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[25 Mar 2002|05:33pm] |
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well...i didnt make cuts...which i kinda thought i was going to. everyone kept praising me about how good i was...maybe they were just saying that...but i got really good scores at critiques...better than other peoples papers that i saw. i worked my ass off last week. practicing came before everything. i worked my body until i could barely move. i did everything right at try-outs..i smiled big, yelled loud...and only messed up a little at the end of the band song...but oh well....i just wish certain people wouldnt rub it in my face.
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rosyroo's journal
